Brandon was sitting in class, thinking, looking out the window.
Brandon was thinking "why was he so mad? why is he not in class? why dose he hate Julie? did i do something?"
he was looking out the window when he saw Henry running down the side walk, he forgot about class and jumped up,
still looking out the window, "I NEW IT" he shouted. he heard every one laughing and turned around, to his dismay he found the
teacher standing tall above him smiling. "well I'm glad you know the answer, why don't you tell us please?" he sat back down and quietly shook
his head "i don't know the answer" he said looking up. "well, if you were paying attention, then you would know iv said the answer already.
now work". he sat and did as he was told. when that class ended he ran out the door as fast as he could to go to art, his favorite class
"ok, ok, settle dow childeren, we don't have all day. ok now, today we will draw a potrai of our bestfriend, if they are in this class you may pair up
to draw them, but keep your voices to a minimum, k?" the teacher said walking back to his desk. Henry was also sposed to be in this class,
but it was obvious Henry was skipping. when he was done drawing Henry, Julie, also in this class, came up to him "about this morning?"
she said looking at the floor "oh henry just needed somthing" he said lying."oh, k, i just thought you may have hade a fight." Brandon fake smiled
to renshure her that everything was ok, even though it wasn't. just then the bell rang "you can color it if you want, iv already walked by
and graded it. see you next class." with that said every one ran out happy cause this was the last class, and they didnt have school tommorow
being it was good friday tommorow.
"hey mom, can i spend the night at Henrys house?" Brandon asked "shure but be home by 11:00 on sunday" "k, thanks mom". this ment he had
three days, more than enough time. but going over to Henrys was a lie, he and Hnry usually used this lie to go to an old abandend motel in the
middle of a forest. they left some bikes half way in the forest so people wouldn't notice, and they could use these to get to the motel
since it being so far in the forest. he packed his wallet, cell phone, charger, picture he made in art, along with color pencils to color it, his ipod,
and a small nife, which he put in his shoe, him and Henry always did this for safty because of all the the crimes on the news. with these paked in
his bookbag, he ran out the door, he was finnaly at the forests edge after walking for a while. he went in, got his bike, and rode to the motel.
he went in and up stairs, to room 13, Henrys room. Brandon's room was 12, right next to Henrys room. he went into 13 Henry was sitting
on the bed reading a magazine, he had not expected Brandon to know were he was and he frightend him, Henry got up and snatched the nife out
of his shoe, then quikely sliped it in when he saw it was Brandon. "wow, you hate me that much?" Brandon asked joking. "no" henry said sitting
back down. "about this morning, why were you made, Henry?" "i wasn't, i just came here to think it out, my mom said i could spend the night over
at a friends house, but i came here". he said looking guilty. "and i also had this pain in my chest, i came to think of what it was, and....i...found...
out, if i tell you, will...you be...mad?" Henry said trying to make eye contact, with out getting sad. "ill try not" said Brandon curiouse to know.
"i...think..." Henry said stumbling on his words " i....lo...love...you" he said not making contact, for the fear of Brandon hating him.
"oh, well lets get to bed" Brandon said, quikley getting up and going out, next doorHenry just fell back on his bed, and cried himself to sleep.
Brandon just fell asleep quickely, without thinking about what happend just now.
when Henry woke up he got dressed, with the extra cloths he and Brandon both brought. when he was dressed, he went to Brandon's room,
he was going to apologize to brandon, for his confessing.but he wasn't there.henry was going to shut the door, when he noticed a note
on the night stand, he grabed and read the note. "Henry, i went to go get breakfast for us, at the delie palas, we will talk after breakfast.
p.s you know my cell number, call if you need or want anything. ill pick it up for you. good morning.dont go any where." henry was glad he didn't
leave him there alone. so he just went back to his room and got on the computer to check his mail, (both him, and Brandon were suprised the
power still worked).













Comments
This isn't the most important thing, because it is more important to just get your ideas down, but you need to pay more attention to your grammer, spelling, and form. I can tell you ran spell check, because most of the words are spelled correctly, but they are the wrong word instead...ie, "made" when it should have been "mad." I find that if you have a friend who is willing to read your works, they will usually catch these things or if you read your works out loud to yourself, you will catch them.
As far as form goes, there are only a couple of things you need to fix. When a new idea or a new person is talking, you need to start a new paragraph. This generally how you do, although there is an exception to every rule. And when you put something in quotes the first word in the quote is capitalized, even if it is not the first word in the sentence. Example: She clentch her teeth and said, "You can't do that!" These are probably things you are already aware of, but just didn't catch.
I like these characters they are emotional, just like I would expect teens to be, and I would love to read more about these guys---good job! I am pretty unclear as to the whole anorexic thing, it wasn't addressed again and I am affraid that using it as a character's description without going into how unhealthy it is will glamorize it flasely. I was anorexic in highschool and it is a disease that consumes your every thought, you really don't have time to worry about much else becuase you are too busy obssessivly counting callories, not eating and exercising all the time. Plus your self-esteme is so low you don't think anyone will ever like you. I am not sure that is the kind of character you want to protray?
I would definetly love to read more....I hope this is the deviation you wanted me to check out. This is a great start and with a little tweaking will be very awesome!
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A dream left to rot in the recesses of our minds does not die, but eats away at our souls like a cancer.
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If you can't understand my silence you will never understand my words ~unknown
this just fits with me
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If you can't understand my silence you will never understand my words ~unknown
this just fits with me
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